10/22/25 - therapy today, and giving myself grace
had therapy today after months of not having it... my last was february 2025, so almost the entire year has passed by since then.
there's a lot to unpack from it, and during it, but i kinda wanna highlight something that stuck to me right now here, since i just remembered (and maybe because i wanna immortalize it on the web, and not just in my obsidian journal...which, btw, i love. hence why i haven't been on here, woops)
psych and i agreed to just...take it easy, one moment at a time. celebrate the small wins. celebrate the little progressions in steps, even if technically, your feet are still in the mud. or in concrete. you're making the effort to move, even if it hurts or you're not going anywhere, and that's more than something compared to just...not moving or trying. and it's simple and something i've heard about for so long and have even preached about to others, but hearing it now, from a professional, who has helped me get here...it's something. it's not quite pride in me right now, but more like, i'm learning that hey, it /is/ okay to give grace to myself, even when it's not like i deserve it. or when i don't deserve it just yet.
we also talked about how i need to treat myself better, like i would a friend. and that's hard. but recently, i had the opportunity to do it by getting closer to my younger coworker who's so like me yet not. it was both sad and emotional to see her the way i did, and to hear her out because it's just too close to home. everything. she cheated too like me but differently. she has issues too like me but carried out elsewhere, elsehow. it's so left field, but so home turf, you know? and that's helped a lot with giving myself grace and celebrating my small wins, and just...being kinder to myself.
i haven't told my psych everything, of course. but i told her a lot, and for her to validate me too while real-talking me...i don't know, something about it really is just sticking lalo na after whatever today was.
so thank you, psych, and coworker. i love you guys. i love a lot of people. myself, not really yet, pero progress is being made, and if i can love myself, i can love that. and god, i do, so much.